Thursday 29 December 2016

So how did you spend your Christmas Roger?

Brenda and Sparkle will console me
It would have been better for my health if I had sprawled on the sofa and gorged on Christmas fancies whilst the kids at Folkestone opened their presents. More is the pity that I had not wrapped myself into my new gorgeous well padded woolly dressing gown.

Bebe was silkily gliding all round the house on a sturdy seemingly innocuous electronic contraption. She stood on this narrow wheeled platform and flowed all over the carpet and floor. Little did I know that her easy transit had followed months of practice by this natural athlete.

I was feeling aimless, perhaps al little hung over and as usual ‘spare’ as I stumbled into the kitchen to be revived by a coffee. At Christmas I am a fish out of water.

Would I like have a go? - only five year old Sonny had not tried it.
Not very willing and conscious of my somewhat arthritic ankles I thought I had better put my ‘bah humbug’ Scrooge self behind me and thought I had better! I gingerly stepped on it supported on each side by Lewis and Billy. “Lean forward to move it”  When it lurched forward my befuddled mind told me that to lean back would stop it. My world almost came to an end.

It is a lethal machine! On swaying back it hurled me to the ground. I cannot find the words to describe its catapult action. My feet rose in the air and like a whiplash hurled me backwards. I pride myself that I fall very well when I frequently stumble in uneven churchyards. This was different. In an instant I was on my back, white and prone on the hard wooden floor. I had slapped down with a very audible thwack! The grown ups rushed in in alarm. Should they call Brenda? 

So this is what it is like to die. Perhaps for the better if I cannot garden no more. Talk about winded! I did not quite see stars but for a milli-second my vision faded.

By some miracle nothing was broken! I do fall very well. I had fallen completely flat on my upper back. No time for limbs to get in the way. If my skull hit the floor it has not been apparent (any contact would have been the back of my head where my skull seems thicker - and if you judged by my more later demeanour you would never know if I had lost any of my senses - but that proves nothing). 

As I say I fall very well but my gymnastics are not very sensible at 75. I was soon on my feet ready to ‘enjoy' the rest of my Christmas.
Steven later told me that last Christmas there was a Facebook phenomenon of dads falling off this contrivance and being rushed to Accident and Emergency. Had he known I might try it he would have never let me near the wretched thing. I think this was 'code' that he could have never believed I was so stupid.

You know how it is when pain ‘travels’. Over the following few days my ribs one by one have announced their disapproval. Each day it has been worse. Any cough was a pain. Thank goodness for ibuprofen! Brenda says that despite my puritan nature I should take more and be a little more sociable. (No sympathy there)

We are now back home and when this frost lifts I shall be back in my garden.
Bending very gingerly.

(Or perhaps not, it’s going to take a few days)

It looked so innocent
I shall enjoy  New Year in the garden after my narrow reprieve. I hope all readers eagerly anticipate 2017 too.


  1. Sorry but I have two admit that I did have a little bit of a giggle at your descrpyion. But then again I didn't know that you were okay. It's a pity no one was videoing the event or you could have made a little bit of pocket money out of it. Was the contraption a Segway as I've always fancied having a go on one of those. Maybe now I won't bother. Anyway I hope everything heals soon and you are back to your usual self.

  2. Good - you were meant to giggle! Don't need sympathy!
    The evil machine was either a segway or the thing with a very similar name which I think is manufactured by another firm.

    1. I shouldn't have giggled. Guess who slipped on ice and fell flat on her back this afternoon. In my defence I giggled after that too but may not be giggling tomorrow!

    2. Oh dear I don't want to start trend (he, he)
      You must have a good back too.
      PS the pain found a new bone at the bottom of my ribcage last night!

    3. I have added pictures of the evil machine Sue

    4. That definitely looks evil, Roger. The one that I fancied having a go at has handlebars like a bicycle and something to hold on to.

  3. Haha, oh dear, boys will be boys :-) I hope the pain is subsiding a little now

  4. Hi Belinda
    Not so high on the sympathy scale

  5. You really DO fall well, judging from your description of what happened... Still, with ribs hurting and coughing being painful etc., I think the sensible thing to do is at least talk to your GP, if not see him/her.

    My Dad had a gardening accident yesterday. While cutting a tree, one of the branches he was working on snapped back somehow and whipped him across the face. Thankfully, it did not hit his eyes, but with a huge swollen upper lip he know looks like something out of a cartoon... So, gardening is not without risks, either!

    1. Yes pruning is a bit dodgy when branches can easily whip back- and even cutting back tall grasses My main accidents are sprains but you eventually learn what what you can do. I actually lift bigger weights than I used to but am very aware how to do it safely.
      Pulling things out is the most overlooked danger. My back is very precious.

  6. Living dangerously Roger, but at our age is is important to fall well (like stunt men). Thanks for the link to growing chillies. I shall read the book with interest as I find growing chillies "challenging"

    1. Its a really good book and embodies some fine horticulture
      I should thank you David in your medical capacity that my body is able to withstand this recent stress. As a result of your books and blog and getting plenty of sunshine and vitamin d and a healthy diet i think I am in good fettle.

  7. I would recommend stopping the ibuprofen and taking whiskey over the new year for pain relief!
    Have a happy, safe new year Roger.

    1. Very thoughtful of you Brian. I shall drink to you! (Will red wine do as I don't like spirits)
      I think the good Dr Grimes above would approve of the conviviality but perhaps not the advice!

  8. At least it will be a Christmas to remember!
    Red wine and hot baths will soothe.

  9. :o) sorry but laughing here xx HNY to Brenda and yourself

  10. The least sympathy seems to come from those of you who know me personally!
    All the best to you both and the family

  11. Two things
    Our little pal said you were a daft Tw*t
    Next time make sure it is being filmed so we can at least get £250 from You Are Being Framed
    Hope you are okay, and back to Pilates best

  12. Thanks Po
    Wait til I see Cathi!
    I will never step on one of those evil things again for all the tea in China!
    Only now am I moving freely!

  13. lol. My daughter has one of these. I am in my 50's, so still eager to show my abilities. Stupid. Actually I was fine getting on it, maneuvering it back and forth. Getting off?? Nightmare. It threw me and I strained my ankle. Never.again. My showing off days are over....


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