|Brenda and Sparkle will console me
It would have been better for my health if I had sprawled on the sofa and gorged on Christmas fancies whilst the kids at Folkestone opened their presents. More is the pity that I had not wrapped myself into my new gorgeous well padded woolly dressing gown.
Bebe was silkily gliding all round the house on a sturdy seemingly innocuous electronic contraption. She stood on this narrow wheeled platform and flowed all over the carpet and floor. Little did I know that her easy transit had followed months of practice by this natural athlete.
I was feeling aimless, perhaps al little hung over and as usual ‘spare’ as I stumbled into the kitchen to be revived by a coffee. At Christmas I am a fish out of water.
Not very willing and conscious of my somewhat arthritic ankles I thought I had better put my ‘bah humbug’ Scrooge self behind me and thought I had better! I gingerly stepped on it supported on each side by Lewis and Billy. “Lean forward to move it” When it lurched forward my befuddled mind told me that to lean back would stop it. My world almost came to an end.
It is a lethal machine! On swaying back it hurled me to the ground. I cannot find the words to describe its catapult action. My feet rose in the air and like a whiplash hurled me backwards. I pride myself that I fall very well when I frequently stumble in uneven churchyards. This was different. In an instant I was on my back, white and prone on the hard wooden floor. I had slapped down with a very audible thwack! The grown ups rushed in in alarm. Should they call Brenda?
So this is what it is like to die. Perhaps for the better if I cannot garden no more. Talk about winded! I did not quite see stars but for a milli-second my vision faded.
By some miracle nothing was broken! I do fall very well. I had fallen completely flat on my upper back. No time for limbs to get in the way. If my skull hit the floor it has not been apparent (any contact would have been the back of my head where my skull seems thicker - and if you judged by my more later demeanour you would never know if I had lost any of my senses - but that proves nothing).
As I say I fall very well but my gymnastics are not very sensible at 75. I was soon on my feet ready to ‘enjoy' the rest of my Christmas.
Steven later told me that last Christmas there was a Facebook phenomenon of dads falling off this contrivance and being rushed to Accident and Emergency. Had he known I might try it he would have never let me near the wretched thing. I think this was 'code' that he could have never believed I was so stupid.
You know how it is when pain ‘travels’. Over the following few days my ribs one by one have announced their disapproval. Each day it has been worse. Any cough was a pain. Thank goodness for ibuprofen! Brenda says that despite my puritan nature I should take more and be a little more sociable. (No sympathy there)
We are now back home and when this frost lifts I shall be back in my garden.
Bending very gingerly.
(Or perhaps not, it’s going to take a few days)
|It looked so innocent